Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day

I was so eager to come back from Thanksgiving with energy and a fresh outlook on life, particularly my teaching. I’ve gotten numerous comments from other teachers at my school and in my life about how well I’m handling my first year of teaching. However, as much of an Olivia Pope as I an on the outside, my teaching definitely isn’t “handled”. Yesterday was the most positive day yet. I felt like I was making connections with my students and finally feeling like everything was getting better, even with my most challenging class that I usually dread before and get angry and/or cry about after. However, what a difference a day makes. Nothing particularly bad happened today. Most teachers in my school are STRESSED. We all are getting observed these next few weeks, and we only have one week off for the holiday break. But what really got me today was a moment when many of my students simply did not read directions to a test. I was angry and disappointed. How could they not understand? Then I blamed myself, I should've explained it more explicitly. I should've read them the directions and written them out. This minor experience became major enough to ruin my day, calling me to wonder if this year is really going as well as I'm making it appear on the outside. I've had a headache from exhaustion and instead of getting excited to see friends on the weekends, I dread whenever I have plans. I've even cried from being so tired. But despite all this, I am reminding myself that Rome wasn't built in a day. I can't expect every single day of my first year to be amazing and inspiring. Teaching in reality is not like teaching in the movies. It's so easy to get overwhelmed and overworked and in a dark cloud of constant negativity. So I'm giving myself a break this week by not taking any work home, doing some yoga, and doing some reflective writing. Rome wasn't built in a day. I cannot expect myself to have all the ins and outs of my school and my teaching handled after really only a few months. Going to school for teaching is a lot like an online driver's ed course. I feel like I know everything there is to know and I've watched videos and read about how to do it correctly. But now I'm actually driving my own car in real life, and I can't pause and check the guidebook. I am so grateful for how the Internet has opened me up to a wealth of other teachers as resources, however, I fins myself comparing myself to these teachers who seem to have enough hours in the day to plan, spend time with their families, grade, read for pleasure, read for professional development, and speak on their own podcasts and/or write their own blogs. I wish I was this kind of superhero teachers, but in year one, I am exhausted and can't pressure myself to be a 24/7 teacher. I hope that I continue reflection and self-care and remember that I cannot and should not do it all because Rome wasn't built in a day.