Learn to Teach

It’s hard for me to stay still I don’t like quiet I like to move I like to do things I like to be active Even when I’m inactive, I’m listening to music or watching something Stillness is stagnant Stillness feels stuck Stillness feels unproductive Teaching is a crazy job that demands so much So much time, so much effort, so much movement I want to try to embrace the stillness and enjoy moments of calm But as I sit here by the fireplace and watch snow fall I can’t help but itch to move, to do, to create I feel uncomfortable in the stillness It reminds me I’m alone It makes me anxious even afraid I long to enjoy the calm But the stillness makes me stiff

2019 is my year of writing. My goal was to write more and to use writing as a form of self-care even self-therapy. However, I've found that with support from teacher-writers, I've been able to use my writing to make an impact in my school. So far, my writing has helped me speak up at a school community meeting with administrators and parents and students as well as plan and execute a World Language Honor Society. I feel like my commitment to writing has helped me grow professionally and has helped increase my confidence as well. I know that writing is a difficult partner and it is always easy to love. Sometimes you neglect it, sometimes you are apteuint with it but it does not return your love, but I am encouraged by the small victories writing has already helped me achieve.

Today was a challenging day. Just another Monday but we have a day off tomorrow. Feeling out of it after a night of not so restful sleep, I felt out of sorts today. One of my students shared with me a tragedy in her family that happened over the weekend. I felt awful and did the best I could to listen and be there for my student. This reminded me that no matter how I may feel, my students are often going through much more difficult experiences. I was reminded of the significance of relationships. Students need to have teachers who care about them as people. Many students have a story beneath their head on their desk and lack of participation. I hope I can continue to work hard to be understanding of my students as people and not just a number in my gradebook.

Some days feel stuck Like riding a bicycle with wheels that won't turn Some days are ordinary Some days extraordinary And some stuck No one particular moment was bad or good But the overall feeling is stuck It seems that hard work doesn't always pay off Best laid plans aren't pulled off The to do list wasn't completed Stuck in a haze It's difficult to remember the task at hand It's hard to stay present and in the moment Stuck in a pattern Stuck in thinking it can't get better or it won't Time to get unstuck Time to reset and restart

Writing is personal and public As long as I can remember, I wrote in journals. I wrote about my days, my life, my school and more often my social drama. I love to read and fiction is perhaps my favorite thing on the planet. I have written tons of drafts of novels of stories I've tried to tell. I've written hundreds of poems about my own experiences. But the phrase "write what you know" has always stuck with me, sometimes prohibiting me. I had convinced myself for a long time that I didn't know much of anything. I convinced myself that my own experiences were not worthwhile or of value. Why write about my own life? Who wants to listen to stories about me? This was phase one of resistance Phase two, perhaps even more devastating was my resistance to creativity. I used to pride myself on my creativity. I am a singer and have done theatre and directing. I used to write songs. I was always in choir and always in a show.  I felt in all of my schoolin...

Twas the night before semester 2 And all through the apartment This teacher was stirring and couldn't quiet her mind While I'm excited for a new semester, a new slate I can't help but feel anxious Will I be able to reset for classes that need it? Will I get overwhelmed with grades? Will I provide lessons that are dynamic, engaging, and relevant? It is so easy to instantly self criticize But I hope to use today as a pause I can embrace the time to rest and relax before we jump in tomorrow I can get caught up in how will the rest of the year go But I'm using this moment to remind myself to take it one day at a time Teaching is a career where each day we have the chance to start again We get opportunities to constantly reflect and retool our craft But I need to continue to practice balance I can consume myself with constant self reflection which so often leads to self criticism I will repeat my refrain "one day at a time" Writing will have...

Long weekends are filled with plans I'll get so much reading done Maybe I'll practice the art of tidying up and clean my entire apartment? I'm sure I'll write everyday The best laid plans don't always come to fruition I spent most of my weekend lounging and eating with friends Watching hours of Netflix catching up on movies I hadn't yet seen I used to get mad and down on myself for not completing things I often view relaxation as wasteful and inefficient ut now in my second year of teaching, I'm starting to relish the time off Teaching is amazing and challenging and exhausting I feel like I always have one million tasks on an ever-growing to-do list Some days I barely sit down or have enough time to eat So I'm grateful for time to reset I'm not a superhero, or superhuman, or a robot I am a person who loves my students and cares deeply But I still need my rest I need to put away my planner for a few days I can let my backpack ...

 This past Thursday, I went to Strand Bookstore in NYC to see Laurie Halse Anderson at a book talk to celebrate the 20th anniversary of her celebrated novel, Speak. Speak is such an important book to many, including to me. I remember reading this book in seventh grade and it was the first time I felt a book had a real impact and connected to someone around my age. I fell in love with the book and fell in love with strong, powerful female characters who go through real life experiences. Laurie was a dynamic, engaging, powerful, and honest speaker who captivated the crowd but also felt like she was having a conversation with a friend. She spoke about how much she loves teenagers and how she feels like the school system as it is does not nurture them and reflect them and their experiences in the curriculum. This is something as I high school teach I feel and see and it was another call to myself to challenge my own lessons and question am I listening to my students and am I seein...

A soft breeze after the storm A soft blanket A soft sweater A soft pillow to rest your head In a world of hard experiences, choices, emotions Sometimes it's good to be soft To be soft is often to be weak To be soft is to be emotional, out of control But softness can be comfort Softness can be relaxation and care Soft spoken Soft and gentle Soft and warm

Silence may be golden But sometimes silence is dark and cold Silence can be lonely Silence can be calm Silence can help you think Silence can keep you from rest The world around you may be silent But your mind may be screaming Silence can push your own thoughts to the forefront Causing discomfort To silence the mind Is to be mindful Your mind being clear means you are being mindful To be focused on the silence around you means you've met silence in your mind A blank slate A new start Silence

Pocket Something to hold something else To hold something special To hold something you don't want to lose Kangaroos have a pouch pocket to protect their young Pockets can protect things Pockets can hold things you didn't realize you still had Money An old picture A ticket A memory that you'd lost but that comes back when you reach into your pocket Holding onto things is not in fashion anymore Rid your life pf posessions Rid your life of stuff But pockets are small They can hold tiny pieces, small parts of moments you may want to hold onto

Childlike innocence How I long for the days When I didn't understand the darkness in the world I long for days of not caring Not caring about what I wore How I looked I just played and read and had fun I didn't have so many thoughts in my mind So many children, in our country and all over the world do not have joy Many children go through so much difficulty Many children do not have the careless freedom Many children never have this "childlike innocence" so many of us long for To be childlike is not always to be innocent To be childlike is to love firecely To be childlike is to find joy, even in difficult circumstances To be childlike is to play, to have fun, to not take things so serioudly As teachers we must protect our children We must help guide them to find joy, to play, to love Childlike wonder: to find something amazing in something ordinary I pledge to be more childlike To appreciate the good and the wonder in the simple things around ...

It doesn't just happen You have to work You cannot sit around And wait for things to come to you You have to go out You have to fight You have to work Life doesn't just happen You cannot remain still You cannot stay compalcenet You have to try To live To risk To dare You make it happen And if it happens, you know it was because of you Your effort Your bravery Your courage You have the power to make it happen

It's difficult to find joy in the darkness of the world today Families are being torn apart Children are lost and lonely Where can we find hope? They say to look for the ones helping There has been outpouring of support Cheers to those fighting for others Cheers to those supporting others Cheers to the people who smile at strangers Cheers to those who are speaking out Joy is often hard to find We are scared to remain joyful What if it doesn't last? What if it's selfish because others in the world are hurting? Cheer is something that is often in short supply Even in teaching Cheer is often viewed as naive or weak Cheers to educators who show joy about their profession Cheers to educators who provide comfort to struggling colleagues and students Cheers to those who never lose their passion Days are dark But cheers to those who find the light

Favors are hard for me. I do not like to ask help. I like to help others. I like to support friends and family and do favors for them. But for me a favor implies a debt to be rapid. You do me a favor and I do you a favor. If I ask for a favor, I owe you something. Favors are not my friend. A favor is a burden, an inconvenience, a difficulty. Favors are not my favorite.

Grades are entered. Final Exams are finished and I am reaching the end of my first year of teaching. It has been a whirl wind. Looking back to where I was one year ago, graduated from grad school and so anxious for a job. After I got my job, I was so excited and terrified at the same time. Thinking back to my first day with my students, I didn't know how to be or who I'd be as a teacher. I was exhausted with what they call "decision fatigue", not realizing how many things I'd decide within a class period, let alone a full school day. I remember by December feeling drained, questioning everything, wondering if I'd make it out. New teachers get a lot of advice, often unsolicited, two pieces that stuck with me: 1) don't make a career decision during your first year and 2) have a life. There were many days, class periods, even moments where I thought is this really right for me? But I think that is a normal feeling for any teacher, for any person. The second ...

I was so eager to come back from Thanksgiving with energy and a fresh outlook on life, particularly my teaching. I’ve gotten numerous comments from other teachers at my school and in my life about how well I’m handling my first year of teaching. However, as much of an Olivia Pope as I an on the outside, my teaching definitely isn’t “handled”. Yesterday was the most positive day yet. I felt like I was making connections with my students and finally feeling like everything was getting better, even with my most challenging class that I usually dread before and get angry and/or cry about after. However, what a difference a day makes. Nothing particularly bad happened today. Most teachers in my school are STRESSED. We all are getting observed these next few weeks, and we only have one week off for the holiday break. But what really got me today was a moment when many of my students simply did not read directions to a test. I was angry and disappointed. How could they not understand? Then I ...

This blog will be reflections on my upcoming first year teaching. I am an ENL and French high school teacher. I hope to keep myself reflective, creative, and accountable through posting on this blog throughout the year. I aim to write about my experiences teaching. I may toy with pedagogical techniques I earn through PD (professional development) and PLN (Professional Learning Network) from Twitter and beyond. Teach Write is a company I found through Twitter aimed at helping empower teachers to be writers as well. Their current topic is joy. Below, I will unpack my feelings on joy and how to find it. Joy is a difficult one for me. As someone who plans, perhaps excessively in many areas of my life, joy is not necessarily something I come by easily. Joy is comfort and most of my life is lived in discomfort. I live in anxiety ridden dreams where I don't the job I already accepted or I can no longer reside in the apartment I already moved into. I find comfort in planning for every ...