Last week I had a lot of confidence in my teaching. I had what I felt was a successful observation and a great post observation discussion. Then cane back the dreaded evaluation sheet. I always get anxious for the actual hard copy evaluation that has my rating. But today when I walked into the office and saw the envelope waiting for me, I was confident that I’d receive high ratings based on our conversation. Unfortunately, there were more than a few “developing rankings”. This is the level 2 rank and is basically code for “not up to par”. These ratings on a few key elements including the pedagogy of the lesson, classroom management, and assessment were apparently not up to par. I’m really disheartened as I felt really confident and felt I’ve been making improvemts. This makes me feel like maybe I’m not so great after all. I can’t help but think of how students feel when they revive an assessment. I really try to give them real constructive feedback and give them the ways they can improve. I worry sometimes positive reinforcement can be flat and inauthentic and I really keep this in mind as I give feedback. Students should be praised but specifics are key and real feedback is so important. I’m hoping that this evaluation will just be a blip in my day and that ultimately I can do my best for my students.
Today I am grateful for a snow day. I have just come back from back to back trip. The first, an amazing trip to Europe with my students, and the second a funeral. I've been jet lagged and emotional and I am grateful to have space and time to myself to rest and recharge today. Last week due to all the travel and grief, I was very stuck and felt on edge. I felt easily irritated and found myself neglecting grades in order to try to be present for my family as they grieved. I felt like a bad teacher. I often feel this difficult balance and sometimes find it difficult to be a good teacher and good friend, relative, significant other. I feel sometimes when I feel I'm doing really well as a teacher, my personal life is not as nourished and I don't feel my relationships are being well cultivated. But to the opposite, if I feel I am being a good friend/daughter/significant other, I am not necessarily a good teacher. I am so grateful to have today to pause and rest and reflect. I h
Oh my goodness, I've been there too. Our writing group mantra works here too: Progress, not perfection. Do what you can today to reach one of your students. That is progress. That's what counts. Receiving perfect scores would mean that you're at the top of your game and have no room to learn anything new and how boring would THAT be? Remember...That evaluation was just a snapshot of ONE moment in time. Try not to make it bigger than that. You ARE a great teacher!
ReplyDeleteJen is so right -- as always, I might add. :-) We have all been there. I dread evaluation time, but it is just that one moment. I hope you can have a productive conversation and move the dial forward with your evaluator, just as I know you do for your lucky students. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteMy advise - Keep being confident. I like how you quickly moved in your post from the evaluation to what really matters - the kids in front of you. It shows tthat you get what really matters. - giving constructive feedback to your students and giving your students your best!
ReplyDeleteJen said it so well. The fact that you are reflecting on this experience shows what a great teacher you are. Have faith, Michelle. It will all work out!
ReplyDelete