Learn to Teach

It's mid-June and grades are completed but the school year trudges on. I find myself yawning at 2pm and barely finding the energy to make it through the day. But I still smile, when kids come up to me, even at moments when I'm longing for alone time, I tell myself "They need to be heard. Give them a minute." I try to be present for them, not looking at my phone, or my watch, or my computer. I listen as intently as I can and try to be present. I know that so many kids, from those that are perceived as cool and popular to those that are considered lonely and outsiders, need to be heard. I am grateful in these moments that kids can look to me as a person to talk with. Teacher and student relationships matter and it's more than a hashtag or PD buzzword. Kids are kids and may have great families and lives outside the building, or they may not. The simple act of presently listening can go far. So as I continue to walk like a zombie through the last few weeks of school,...

May is a crawl Not a sprint It is a long day's journey into night It is not enough coffee in the world It is going to bed at 8:30 It is not being ready for the alarm For there is no tired like teacher tired Where you've run out of post-its and are low on patience There are endless piles of papers There are exams and bubble sheets and proctoring There are last-ditch efforts to drastically alter grades There are human moments The kids are tired and they see you as a human, also tired The conversations aren't always as related to content Every kid you speak to and that speaks to you You give as much energy as you can to be present and to listen They need an ear, they need to feel heard and seen May is a crawl But the sun stays out later The weather is getting warmer The good moments are that much sweeter

Dear Writing, It's been a while. How have you been? I've been...it's been difficult. I can't say I didn't think about you. I've been busy. That's what I've been telling people and trying to convince myself. I wanted to be with you a lot. I thought about bringing you with me on my morning commute but felt embarrassed. I wanted to be with you when I got home each day and vent but I told myself that wasn't enough. That's not a "real" way to be with you. But here I am again. The typing on a blank screen, the words coming to mind and appearing on the page. The feeling that maybe just maybe, this is how we should be. Together. You are so hard to be with. When I try to spend every day with you, I get bored, annoyed. You frustrate me. You make me lose my motivation. You mock me with your stark white blankness while I search for something, anything to say. Yet - I miss you. When you aren't with me, I feel lost. I feel like I...

Yesterday was your birthday I sent you a message But it didn't feel the same We were so close so fast But not for long It felt sudden and real But a part of me wondered how long it would last I hadn't had a friend so close and so fast It was default Every moment together Spending time with your family Watching your dog We shared everything Clothes Secrets Nannying jobs Boys You hurt me a little You hurt her a lot I feel healed and wonder if it could be better again But for her I hesitant I ripped off the band-aid and didn't look back Today I wonder What would've been

Inside my backpack I carry everything Gum, mints, tissues Chapstick, lotion, Advil I carry my laptop I carry my chargers Pens, pencils, highlighters, sticky notes I carry the weight of 100 quizzes yet to be graded I carry the fatigue of a 2nd-year teacher who hasn't has spring break yet I carry the stress of a wedding that's 4 months away I carry so much It's hard to let others take the burden But sometimes, I must put down my backpack To let everything go Only if for a weekend

When a stranger appears at your door No, I was not busy when you came! I was not preparing to be busy Feed him for three days Your plate is waiting Rice? Pine nuts? Before asking who he is, where he's come from, or where he's headed We will snip fresh mint into your tea Your plate is waiting He'll have strength enough to answer Or, by then you'll be such good friends You don't care Here, take the red brocade pillow. Sentences, words, and phrases from Red Brocade by Naomi Shihab Nye

grape, wine, purple, mauve  magenta, orchid, plum, puce midnight, pansy, dusk boysenberry, jam, refresh relaxing, amethyst, calm

Three Things I Know To Be True Plans All the lists and calendars and appointments can't always ensure smooth sailing Things happen that change your plans Sometimes you are in Prague walking in the square, admiring the beauty And you get a call A relative has passed away All the plans to enjoy change and your focus shifts to your family and their loss Love Love is around in more ways than you expect Even when all you see is darkness and all you feel is pain When you are thousands of miles away from your family and friends You live alone in a tiny apartment, alone in the city of love You reach for your laptop and Skype your family And a piece of you comes back in place Fear This is the one that is with you always, though you try to fight it It was with you when you held your brother's hand, nervous on your first day of kindergarten It was with you when your parents drove away and you were alone on your college campus It was with you when you left ...

The best part of me Makes me think, makes me dream, makes me wonder It lives in a deep, hidden part It loves fiercely and tries hard It doesn’t like to show itself Yet, it is always there beneath the surface When I am listening to music Reading a book Doing yoga Enjoying time with loved ones It is there, sometimes unhiding, unashamed The best part of me has always been there Even when it hides, feels afraid, feels embarrassed The best part of me is creative and bold when it wants to be It is learning to come out of the shadows It is learning to embrace the light

Today's poem is inspired by The New York Times ad poem "Truth is Hard" campaign beggining May 2017  https://store.nytimes.com/products/truth-kids-poster . The truth is I am tired The truth is I try hard every day, but sometimes not my hardest The truth is I am always worried I'm not doing enough for the kids The truth is I don't feel like the best role model all the time The truth is I make mistakes and forgive my kids more easily than I forgive myself The truth is I am still trying to fully embrace my identity as a writer The truth is I have been faking it hoping I'm making it this year The truth is I love my students everyday, even when they drive me crazy The truth is I know my kids will leave this world a better place than they found it The truth is I get hope from interactions with teenagers everyday The truth is I am only one person The truth is I am me and I am enough

Today is the finale of the March Challenge. While endings can be difficult, we also have a new beginning. With the coming of spring and the month of April, I feel refreshed and will challenge myself to keep up my daily writing habit it all forms. I am inspired by calls to read and write poems for poetry month and am inspired by all the teacher-writers I encountered this month. Thank you to anyone and everyone who read and commented. Thank you to my #TeachWrite community for encouraging me to keep up my habit. Thank you to Two Writing Teachers for this platform and space to share. Happy Spring and Happy Continued Writing!

The sun is out and finally so am I My winter blues have gone away I’m feeling renewed and anticipating the lightness of spring There is beauty in the world again I see it in the blue sky I see it in quality time with friends People out enjoying the sun I’ve reached the light at the end of the tunnel Spring is truly here

To weekends To relaxing To Netflix To tacos To rest To writing To challenges To trying To putting yourself out there To inspiration To hitting publish To sharing comments To reflecting To connecting To writers block To perseverance To keeping up To not giving up

"Yo His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti He's nervous, but on the surface, he looks calm and ready..." To quote Eminem's Lose Yourself,  I felt very nervous for my big speech tonight. I helped start our first World Language Honor Society at my school.  I was definitely nervous for this small but to me very important public speaking event. I gave the introduction speech and had prepared and even had my students and my fiance give me feedback. The day went on and the periods flew by and the hour was upon us. I was definitely nervous as I stepped up to the podium, however, once I started speaking, I felt calm. I tried to slip in a joke about grammar that unfortunately didn't land, but otherwise, it was a success. Parents, teachers, and admin were happy and the whole event went relatively smoothly, despite the wifi at school being down all day. So I am grateful for a job wel...

Today was an in school PSAT and SAT day for sophomores and juniors. Tests were supposed to take up the morning then lunch then running on our normal bell schedule where students attended Periods 1, 2, and 3. However, expectations often do not meet reality. I went to my classroom to prep for my first period. The proctoring teacher had not eaten so I relived his shift so he could eat before teaching his first period. The minutes ticked by and we waited. We were told not to release students until the announcement over the PA system. The minutes became an hour and it was clear something did not go according to plan. As an obsessive planner myself, I was frustrated and flustered, unsure what to tell the students in my room. I listened intently in the hall to glean any information as I tried to keep the aura of calm for the kids. Waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting AND WAITING Finally, the familiar sound of the "be...

Buzz Buzz Enter I try to re-enter the 1000th password I can remember and I am still locked out. I scan my brain trying to recall my most recently updated password. Passwords are a puzzle I will never solve. There are too many. Four different email accounts, countless newsletters and listserves. I can never seem to unlock the code. I am trapped. I try again. Buzz Buzz Enter "Forgot your password?" The glaringly familiar and unhelpful phrase. It taunts me and mocks me. I am always forgetting my password. March has been a long haul and at many times I have reached a wall and been "locked out". Locked out of creativity, free time, quality writing, remembering to do something on my endless to-do list. But luckily for me, I will reset my passwords and be logged in soon enough. Type Enter Access granted

Wake up at 6:30 Make coffee Get dressed Take subway to school Press play on podcast Teach Period 1 Teach Period 2 Prep for Period 4 Teach Period 4 Meeting/lunch Meeting Teach Period 7 Prep for Period 9 Teach Period 9 Clean up room Plug in school iPad Press play on podcast Subway home

Bright sun Fresh coffee Blue skies Warm weather Winter retreated Spring has sprung New beginnings New adventures Taking time to enjoy Appreciate the beauty Smile creeping up Darkness fades Lightnes enters I am awake

The long haul to break is here. We still have a little over a month until our spring break. Kids are tired and stressed and teachers are tired and stressed. Luckily we have our normal short day today as we have PD every Friday afternoon. It’s another day of rain and while yesterday it made me feel cleansed, but today it makes me feel drowsy. I long to go home and curl up with a good book and a hot cup of tea. Despite my grogginess, I’ve found some joy in my colleagues who have gone out of their way to make me smile. One of my friends and colleagues came up to visit one of my classes during her prep. I haven’t seen her in what feels like weeks and quickly catching up with her was a breath of fresh air on this dreary day. Today I concentrate my gratitude on supportive colleagues who have becom great friends.

It’s rainy today but I don’t mind. The kids are tired but busy at work for the most part. I gave them a choice board for studying for our verb quiz tomorrow. They enjoyed acting as “question master” where they created their own questions and tested each other. The air is calm and I can’t help but feel the spring renewal on its way. It’s been a dark and often challenging winter but the rain is cleansing and brings the promise of a joyful end to the year.